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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:00 pm 
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Scientists find the secret of longer life for men (the bad news: Castration is the key)
By Mark Prigg
24 September 2012

Scientists have found a sure-fire way for men to live longer - but most red-blooded males will find the method unpalatably painful.

Researchers in Korea have shown that eunuchs - castrated men living centuries ago - outlived other men by a significant margin. They say their findings suggest that male sex hormones are responsible for shortening the lives of men.

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A Turkish chief eunuch from the 18th Century. Researchers now believe that eunuchs may live longer

The evidence comes after careful study of genealogy records of noble members of the Imperial court of the Korean Chosun dynasty (AD 1392-1910). Kyung-Jin Min, of Inha University, said: 'This discovery adds an important clue for understanding why there is a difference in the expected life span between men and women.'

The castrated boys in Korea lost their reproductive organs in accidents - usually after being bitten by dogs - or underwent castration purposefully to gain early access to the palace. Eunuchs were allowed to marry and had families by adopting castrated boys or normal girls. People in those days kept careful genealogy records as proof that they were of the noble class.

By poring over those records, Min and his colleague Cheol-Koo Lee, of Korea University, found that eunuchs lived 14 to 19 years longer than other men did. Amongst the 81 eunuchs they studied, three lived to the ripe old age of 100 or more, a feat of longevity that remains relatively rare even in developed countries today. They noted the incidence of centenarians among Korean eunuchs is at least 130 times greater than it is in the developed countries, and that can’t be explained simply by the benefits of life in the palace, either. They said most eunuchs spent as much time outside the palace as they did inside it.

And, in fact, kings and male members of the royal family had the shortest lives of all, typically surviving only to their mid-forties. The research team, whose findings were published in the journal Current Biology, said their findings may offer some clues to life extension.

Source: Daily Mail UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:00 pm 
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:yeahright:

Royalty in those days were short-lived often due to their offspring not wanting to wait 60 years or so to become ruler. And there were constant wars, which would also account for other men to be shorter lived than would be expected in peace time.

Modern royalty, like in Europe, tend to live well into their 90s and even 100s, mainly due to excellent health care that is available to them. Ancient Pharaohs also lived well into their 90s during the peaceful eras. Eunuchs also tend to lead sheltered and protected lives, not to mention access to the same healthcare as their bosses generally.

It is known, however, that prostate cancer can be cured by castration, which generally leads to a longer life.

:???:

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:31 pm 
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Is sex getting too demanding for men?
By Max Davidson
13 November 2012

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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a feel-good movie about sixty and seventysomethings, saw the slow-burning flirtation/romance between Evelyn (Judi Dench, left) and Douglas (Bill Nighy, right) Photo: REX

Following on the heels of 'mummy porn’ in Fifty Shades of Grey is 'gran-lit’ in Thursdays in the Park – there’s no growing old gracefully

Somewhere in Britain – perhaps Sevenoaks, perhaps Hemel Hempstead – there is a very lucky man. The unnamed individual is, according to reports at the weekend, being divorced by his wife, a high-flying City banker, on the grounds, inter alia, that he is ''boring’’ in bed and refuses to take part in the kind of bedroom antics popularised by the raunchy blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey.

Well done, that man! He is not only escaping what sounds like a miserable marriage (''Thank you for whipping me, darling, but you forgot the handcuffs’’), but in doing so – he’s admitting ''unreasonable behaviour’’ for a quick divorce – he is striking a blow for his sex. Like Bradley Wiggins, like Mo Farah, he can go into any pub in the country and know that every man jack there would be happy to buy him a drink if only they knew his story.

Up to now, Fifty Shades has been no more than a bad literary joke, a triumph of marketing over substance. Millions have bought E L James’s execrable novel about a sadomasochistic affair between a billionaire entrepreneur and a naive literature student, and millions have wished they had kept their money in their pocket. But now that the book is being deployed as a weapon in the marital bedroom, with wives using James’s saturnine billionaire as a benchmark against which to measure their husbands, the joking has to stop. This is war, with men in the firing line and common sense the first casualty.

On a recent transatlantic flight, I sat next to a middle-aged businessman who was wading through the novel, struggling to keep his eyes open. When I quizzed him, he told me that his soon-to-be second wife had given him it to read for research purposes before their honeymoon in Mauritius. He winked as he said ''research purposes’’, but I could see the nervousness in his eyes. Another poor sap heading for the divorce courts. How many more will have to bite the dust, worn out by their wives’ ever more loopy demands, before sanity returns?

Feminists are rightly quick to censure the kind of male-inspired pornography which pressurises women into behaving like Swedish nymphomaniacs with pneumatic breasts. But isn’t E L James guilty of much the same, peddling unattainable sexual fantasies, setting wife against husband, introducing the worm of dissatisfaction into solid, if unspectacular, relationships?

And it gets worse. You would assume that men of retirement age would not be feeling under the same pressure to perform in the bedroom as men who still have their own teeth and hair, but you would be wrong, judging by the latest women’s ''romantic’’ novel to shoot up the bestseller lists, confounding the pundits.

Thursdays in the Park by Hilary Boyd features a sexually frustrated pensioner (married to a man who has given up on sex) who meets the man of her dreams while looking after her grandchildren in the park. If Fifty Shades is ''mummy porn’’ in marketing jargon, this is ''gran-lit’’, a steamy tale of sex and sixtysomethings – The Kama Sutra meets The Antiques Roadshow. The imagination boggles. Does the heroine ravish her new man on the swings in the playground?

The novel sank without trace when it was published last year, but is now topping the charts in its e-book edition and outselling E L James. It is certainly an intriguing storyline and you can see why it has caught on with the public, even in our youth-obsessed times. With Charles Dance said to be in negotiations for a film version, Thursdays in the Park could spark the same kind of buying frenzy as Fifty Shades. You don’t even have to go into a bookshop to purchase it: you can get your jollies by downloading the book in the privacy of your own home – perfect for retiring spinsters with vivid imaginations.

“Old people falling in love and having passionate relationships is not a story that’s had much exposure before, but I’m in no doubt that the market’s out there,’’ says Boyd, a 62-year-old grandmother, adding: ''All I can say is that sex in the park beats sex in the basement.’’ Who would argue with that? And in finding the sex lives of mature people far more interesting than those of teenagers, she is following a tradition as old as Antony and Cleopatra. Shakespeare’s grizzled lovers, long past their salad days, have an emotional complexity that leaves Romeo and Juliet in the shade. Shakespeare knew better than anyone that, in the bedroom, humour and tenderness are more important than gymnastics.

It is good, other things being equal, that women writers are producing novels of sexual exploration which challenge and subvert the works of their male counterparts. And it is good that older people are being presented in a positive, outgoing light, not portrayed as sexually extinct. We saw that in the success of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a feel-good movie about sixty and seventysomethings, with Celia Imrie in terrific form as Madge, out to bag a new husband on the subcontinent, and the slow-burning flirtation/romance between Evelyn (Judi Dench) and Douglas (Bill Nighy).

Jane Juska’s bestselling 2003 memoir, A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late Life Adventures in Sex and Romance, tapped into the same market. Its bitter-sweet account of a 66-year-old woman seeking no-strings sex via an ad in the New York Review of Books struck a chord with mothers and grandmothers who, after years of making sacrifices for their families, dreamed of putting the sex into sexagenarian

But it is one thing to celebrate grey sex, another to encourage delusional attitudes, as E L James’s book does. When the dividing line between daily life and escapist fiction becomes blurred, when women expect their partners to satisfy their most intimate needs as if it was as easy as unlocking handcuffs, we are all the losers. Shouldn’t a book with a title like Fifty Shades of Grey alert readers to the fact that life is nuanced, and not perfect?

But, one way and another, it is going to be an uncomfortable time to be a male of the species. We don’t mind trying our hands at this multi-tasking malarkey, but do we have to become proficient with handcuffs and find out how to give sexual satisfaction to women born when George VI was on the throne? Time to reach for the remote, I think.

Source: Telegraph UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:58 am 
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Viewing online pornography 'can make you lose your memory'
16 December 2012

People addicted to watching pornography on the internet are in danger of suffering short-term memory loss which can have a major impact on their lives, according to new research.

German scientists studied the part of the brain responsible for keeping information in the mind while using it to complete a task, critical for understanding, reasoning, problem solving and decision making. In the first research of its kind, they asked asked 28 men — all heterosexual with an average age of 26 — to look at a number of computer images, some pornographic and some nonsexual.

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An increasing number of people are now watching pornography on their phones in films starring the likes of former adult movie actress Jenna Jameson (right)

The clean images included pictures of people doing a number of activities, such as laughing, playing sports or carrying a weapon. As the volunteers viewed the pictures, they touched a 'yes' or 'no' key to indicate whether the picture was the same as one they had seen four slides previously.

The men logged a significantly greater number of incorrect answers when they viewed the porn than when they saw the nonsexual images. On average, they answered correctly 67 per cent of the time when they viewed pornographic pictures, rising to 80 per cent when they saw the clean pictures.

According to researchers at the University of Duisburg-Essen, the findings could help psychologists understand why some people with internet porn addictions forget to sleep, miss appointments, shirk job responsibilities and neglect relationships. 'Sexual arousal and its impacts on cognitive processes might explain parts of these negative effects,' the researchers wrote. Previous research has linked the processing of pornographic pictures with areas of the brain responsible for emotion, arousal and attention.

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Dangerous: New research suggests men who turn to the internet for sexual gratification are risking their short-term memory (picture posed by model)

'Sexual arousal interferes with working memory, an important facet of executive functioning,' said study author Christian Laier, a graduate student studying under psychologist Matthias Brand. Because the current study focused solely on heterosexual men, it is impossible to say whether the findings would apply to gay men or to women. 'It is at its first stage,' said Laier. 'Our results need to be tested with respect to gender and sexual orientation to verify.'

The study was published in November in the Journal of Sex Research.

Source: Daily Mail UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:17 am 
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Death of Casanova: most men aren't oversexed dogs after all
By Dr Brooke Magnanti, formerly known as Belle de Jour
11 January 2013

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The legendary lover Casanova, (the late Heath Ledger) greets Andrea (Lena Olin, right) and Francesca (Sienna Miller, centre) in a scene from Casanova, directed by Lasse Hallstrom.

What do young men really want? Because it’s not just sex, according to a new book, Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male.

Among all the discussion about parenting this week - do parents of girls have it worse than ever, or is the sexualisation hype overblown? Ian Douglas brought up some interesting thoughts on the challenges of raising boys. In all the back-and-forth about children, hypersexualisation, and the internet coming to rest squarely on our fears for young girls, it's easy to overlook the ways in which parents of boys face challenges, too.

The flip side of the commercialisation of childhood which has parents of girls struggling in vain to find clothes for girls not in lurid pink in sparkles apparently hits boys too. According to Douglas, "boys are given beige trousers, jeans and t-shirts with dinosaurs on them". Snips and snails and puppy dogs tails, like the old rhyme goes. But perhaps more importantly, in a counterpoint to the widespread assumption girls are born socially adept, naturally modest, and easily corrupted, boys are widely assumed to be "active, energetic, more of a handful. They might well be these things, but assumption is against them if they’re not". These are the things we tell little boys they are made of.

The End of Men?

Hanna Rosin, in her recent book The End of Men, picks up on a theme last seriously examined in mainstream publishing with Susan Faludi's Stiffed in 2000. In Stiffed, Faludi described a world where seismic shifts in gendered expectations have affected men who grew up with static myths about 'what it is to be a man'.

Add in over 10 years of metrosexualisation, the ever-narrowing pay gap, and ongoing recession that hit traditionally male occupations early on, and you have ‘The End of Men’: a world in which women are perceived to have achieved empowerment but don't, as Rosin points out, "feel like it's a triumphant moment," whereas men are perceived to still be holding the reins of power but watch as successful individuals at the top distance themselves further and further from underprivileged, jobless, undereducated men.

Death of Casanova

Into this heady mix, then, comes Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male a book about young men and sex. Or rather, a book about our expectations we have of young men and sex - 'being a man,' in this instance, generally taken to be bedding as many women as possible, dodging commitment for as long as possible, and only ever wanting one thing (that one thing being sex). Only, as author Andrew P Smiler PhD observes, when people actually bother to ask young men what they want, they're not the monolithic "dogs" they are so often painted as.

The anxieties of growing up and being seen to ‘fit in’ affect boys as well as girls, and sexual relationships are the most heated battleground in the teens and twenties. For girls the pressure is to be sexually attractive but not sexually available, to have the "right" number of partners, and to conform to a standard of femininity that has hardly moved on even two generations past the so-called sexual revolution. As Hanna Rosin noted in The End of Men, often young women these days are avoiding the confusion altogether by 'hooking up' and not getting into relationships at all. As medical technology gives the hope of having families later and later in life, many women are deciding to do exactly that.

The myth of 'the player'

For boys, the myth of the "player" is still cultural currency of high value. Pop songs by and about men tend to revolve around themes of getting the girl, or begging the girl to take you back because she caught you with another girl (seriously- once you start listening for the 'I'm a stupid cheater, soz' theme in everything from country and western to hip-hop, it's alarming).

But the numbers don't stack up. As Smiler points out, a scant one in 40 men under 30 has had 25 or more partners; the majority have had 5 or fewer. Somewhere between five and 15 percent of young men will report having had four or more sexual partners in a year, but they don't maintain that pace - it usually only lasts a year or two. Casanova himself, for what it's worth, bedded about 130 people in his lifetime… not a prude by any means, but not a record setter either. And as is clear in his memoirs, Casanova enjoyed the romance and the chase as much as the sex itself. He liked the intellectual challenge of wooing women.

Casanova bedded 130 women

As I and others have often said, if men didn't really want to get married and start families, these things wouldn't exist. They may pay lip service to the stereotype of being dragged to the altar, but in reality, they want the social acceptability and stability too.

So why the stereotype of men - especially young men - as oversexed dogs? According to Smiler, media messages have a huge influence: all those songs, all those men we assume are both successful and promiscuous, he posits, are driving pressure on men to get their numbers up whether or not it's a real reflection of what they want from sex and relationships. But we must also consider to what extent media representations are inaccurate. Just because someone says they have loads of sex partners doesn't make it true, in the same way that singers going on about the "money piling up" aren't often found in the Rich List. It's a front, a kind of social success of equivalent of the women who like to appear sexually available but in fact are not, or at least, not to the vast majority of their audience.

There is a lot of discussion about 'young people these days', the challenges we see them facing, and our impressions of how their experiences of growing up compare to ours. It's refreshing to see a book about young men and sex that has actually done the legwork of asking the people involved what they are really thinking, because when it comes to young people and sex, that is a quality only rarely brought to the table. We need to step away from our assumptions about their lives and start involving them in the conversation. Smiler's book is, I hope, only the opening salvo in bringing the authentic experience of real teens to the debates about them and their lives.

What will men want in the future?

In the end one can't help but wonder what the future of the "Casanova script" will be as more and more men finds ways to communicate and acknowledge their dissatisfaction with a world in which they may be told they can have it all - just like the girls are - but, unless you have a specific set of advantages in place from birth, that's very rarely the case.

When you feel out of control of your life, you focus on the things that absolutely are within your control: your sex life and your dietary intake are a couple of examples. We've seen in the last few years how increased identification and diagnosis of boys' eating disorders has started to come to light - can we expect a similar epiphany about young men and their sex lives? Will the sexual scripts start to change? Will it be for the better or for the worse? No one can say for sure, but one thing is certain: bringing up children may be fraught with pitfalls but we can take some solace in the fact that, so far, we have managed to keep on keeping on.

Source: Telegraph UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 8:23 pm 
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Sex must always be great, otherwise don’t bother
By Wolfgang Weinberger
Thursday, 21 February 2013

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(Getty Creative)

Sexology comedian Wolfgang Weinberger talks about a new competitive sport known as ’sex’.

Before the pill sex was simply verboten. And not only in Ireland. No one talked about it, no one did it. We all came into the world like Jesus Christ – an immaculate conception in every home. Then came the sexual revolution and for a short while sex became something which in our society really has no place: fun.

But then, recently, something even worse happened. Fun became the order of the day. Fun was put into the hands of fun-pros. You can’t play tennis just for the heck of it anymore. You must set yourself goals – such as the humble goal of winning the Olympics.

It’s the same with sex. Who said you should simply enjoy sex? No, no, no – you have to raise your game up a few notches. Many notches, actually. Just because it’s been done for a few hundred thousand years, it doesn’t mean it’s been done right all that time.

It’s time to shape up. It’s time to have multiple orgasms – every single night of the week. And always simultaneously with your partner. It’s time to face the truth: whatever you do in bed is inadequate. From the way you look to the way your partner looks to the amount of time you do it for and most of all to the frequency with which you do it. If sex was already an Olympic discipline you wouldn’t even qualify for the qualifying rounds.

Do not despair – help is on the way. Simply follow the sex advisers, the pundits from the self-help section and the personal coaches and you’ll stand a chance of winning the sex Olympics – which is the minimum you should strive for.

Here’s what you need to do:

*Raise your expectations to completely unrealistic levels – whatever you see on the Internet, that’s what your love life should look like

*Get professional help from a plastic surgeon – less than perfect looks in bed are completely unacceptable. Remember, it’s a viewer’s sport – both partners must look at each other all the time and point out the slightest imperfection

*Don’t hesitate to use performance enhancing drugs – if every cyclist does it then why shouldn’t you use a little blue diamond every time you engage in your sport of choice

*Coming together is no longer a happy coincidence. It is mandatory. Never mind that it takes the average man three minutes to climax and the average woman 17 minutes to reach the same triumph – just do what is expected of you, simultaneously, of course.

*And finally, always keep in mind that you’re not in the game to have fun but to win. Most of all against yourself but also against your partner’s super high expectations.

Should you heed all of the above advice you may not be happy – who needs that, ever seen a happy athlete? Suffering is what counts – but you may stand a chance of living up to the new Olympic ideal: Winning is everything, whatever the cost. And if you can’t stand the heat get out of the game, like 25 per cent of us who simply have no desire for sex anymore.

Sure, there is one other alternative but this one is really only for the weak: Shut off your TV, don’t read the magazines that promise you the best sex ever or go to a comedy show in which a few hundred people have a jolly good laugh about all that rubbish from the sex advisers.

I think that’s why people come to my Show Sex Guru. To have a good laugh about the seriousness of sex and then they go home and get serious about having some fun. And if I have shamelessly advertised my own show just now, so be it. I have great fun doing it myself. And I’m not only talking about doing my show.

Wolfgang Weinberger stars in ‘Sex Guru: The Sexological Comedy Show’ at the Leicester Square Theatre throughout March and April

For more information visit www.sxguru.com
Source: The Independent UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 6:17 pm 
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Caller phoned 999 to tell police his prostitute was ugly
By HARRY HAWKINS
14th June 2013


Police released audio of a 999 phone call a man made to complain about his 'ugly' prostitute

A man dialled 999 to complain to police that a prostitute was UGLY after meeting her outside a hotel.

The caller told West Midlands Police he wanted "to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act". But an officer in the call centre at Solihull, Birmingham, responded by telling the man the woman had not committed any offences and explained to him that soliciting for sex was illegal. The force has now sent the man a letter warning him about wasting police time.

A spokesman for West Midlands Police said: “A 999 call was received by police at around 7:30pm on Tuesday evening from a man wishing to complain about a sex worker he had met on a hotel car park. The caller claimed that the woman had made out she was better looking than she actually was and he wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act. When he raised this issue with the woman concerned, she allegedly took his car keys, ran away from the car and threw them back at him, prompting him to call police.

“An officer in the Solihull contact centre advised the caller that no offences had been committed by the woman and that soliciting for sex was in fact illegal.” He added: “Despite the man refusing to give his details, police have been able to identify him and have sent him a letter warning him about his actions. Wasting police time is a serious offence and carries a maximum sentence of six months imprisonment.”

The Sale of Goods Act 1979 gives consumers legal rights, stipulating goods which are sold must be of satisfactory quality, be fit for purpose and must match the sellers’ description. The police took the unusual step of releasing the recording of the man’s conversation with the 999 call handler so it can “highlight regular abuse of the emergency number”. In the recording, he tells an officer that the woman “had got her knickers in a twist” after he told her he was not going to use her services. He says he arranged the sex date after reading an advert in a newspaper.

He says: “I arranged to meet with her. But beforehand I have asked for a description of her - give me an honest description otherwise when I get there I’m not going to use your services. She’s mis-described and misrepresented herself totally. She was angry - she thinks I owe her a living or something.”

The call to the 999 emergency number was terminated by the handler a short time later, and Sergeant Jerome Moran, based at Solihull police station, called the man back to give him some words of advice.

Sgt Moran said: “It was unbelievable - he genuinely believed he had done nothing wrong and that the woman should have been investigated by police for misrepresentation. I told him that she’d not committed any offences and that it was his actions, in soliciting for sex, that were in fact illegal. Unhappy with the response, he then insisted on coming down to the police station to debate the matter.”

In the event, the police instead sent the man a letter. Sgt Moran added: “We recognise that prostitution often involves the exploitation of some very vulnerable members of the community and we will actively pursue those who seek to exploit that vulnerability.”

Source: The Sun UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 5:31 pm 
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Sex in men's prisons: 'The US system cultivates rape. If you treat people like animals, they behave like it'
by Patrick Strudwick
Saturday, 1 March 2014

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An inmate in Arizona's Maricopa County Jail who has volunteered to work on the chain gang. Corbis

The crook of another man's elbow is on my Adam's apple, pressing down, choking me. After just a couple of seconds, I panic and gasp.

Shaun Attwood, who spent more than five years in some of America's toughest prisons, including Arizona's infamous Maricopa Jail, is showing me how men in prison are raped. "Generally they put the victim to sleep with a choke hold – locking the windpipe like this," he says, rendering me unable to reply. "Within about 10 seconds you're unconscious."

Attacks don't always begin like this. Sometimes, "they'll lure them with drugs and get them really high – 90 per cent of prisoners shoot-up drugs". Sometimes they'll trick the victim into a debt and then make them repay it with sex. Other times it can start with a beating or stabbing.

Human Rights Watch estimated in 2010 – three years after Attwood left jail – that 140,000 US inmates have been raped. Other studies have helped fill in the quantitative picture: 21 per cent of prisoners in the Midwest reported being forced into some form of sexual activity, according to Prison Journal. Young inmates are five times more likely to be sexually assaulted, says Just Detention International, an organisation devoted to ending prison rape. Similar statistics aren't available in the UK but in the year 2011 – there were 103 male and female prisoner-on-prisoner sexual assaults.

The statistics, then, we know. The jokes, of course, we know, too: "Don't drop the soap!" is repeated so often by so many as to become Britain and America's prison-rape refrain – a chorus of discomfort to muzzle the horror. But the 3D picture of prison rape in America, the how and why and what happens next, is scarcely uttered because those who survive the system almost invariably have no voice. Attwood, however, a tall, skinny, somewhat geeky 43-year-old from Widnes, doesn't just have a voice, but has written three books on life inside. And his latest, Prison Time, details the sex – consensual or otherwise – the prostitution, the pimping and the equal, loving relationships behind bars.

The details of which cast fresh light not only on the culture, politics and dynamics in America's penitentiary system, but on the nature of male sexuality itself. Heterosexual? Bi? Gay? Labels erode, irrelevant, in the absence of women and societal constraints. We begin by discussing rape because it is everywhere in prison and everywhere in his book, an ever-present threat.

"I was constantly mentally preparing to fight to the death to stop it happening to me," he says. "I would leave pens out [in my cell] – I was getting ready to, you know..." his voice trails off. Pens can be a deadly weapon. They can also blind. (A transgender inmate called She-Ra, whom Attwood became friends with, was so broken by gang rapes she finally stopped them by popping an eyeball out of one of her attackers.)

"I had a profound determination to stop it happening because once that's happened to you, everyone finds out and the whole prison society will treat you differently. From then on you're game for anyone to do anything to do you. Not only sexually, but in any way you will be taken advantage of."

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Shaun Attwood photographed in Widnes last month (Mike Poloway)

It's not only young men who are more likely to be raped, but obviously gay ones, too. What are the chances, then, that a young-ish gay man such as myself would be raped? Attwood looks down. "It is inevitable," he says quietly. "And no one on the outside is interested. Until someone's son is calling them from prison saying, 'I've got a cellmate with a padlock in a sock who is threatening to rape me,' they couldn't care less."

In 2003 – a year after Attwood's incarceration for dealing ecstasy on the Arizona rave scene – a federal law was passed, the Prison Rape Elimination Act, decreeing statistics must be compiled nationally and grants given to prisons to help reduce rape. This manifested in what Attwood calls "rape classes". "It involved us being taught about rape and being told we have to report rape," he says with a snort of derision. "Everyone laughed throughout and said to the teacher, 'We are not going to report rape!'. If you report anything in prison you're deemed a snitch and it's KOS – kill on sight – for snitches. At the end of the class everyone was saying, 'They might as well give us rape kits' – a how-to." Not that they needed it. Immediately after the class, "a mentally-ill prisoner was gang-raped. No one reported a thing".

Is there anything, then, that could be done to stop it?

"When you've got two guards watching hundreds of prisoners – to keep costs down – prisoners can do whatever they want. The US prison system cultivates rape. If you treat people like animals, they behave like it."

Unsurprisingly, in such an epidemic, sexually transmitted infection (STI) rates are sky-high. Attwood says in one prison, he counted up the cons with hepatitis C: it came to two-thirds. Many had HIV. The only ones receiving treatment were those who had taken legal action. And thus, some prisoners had full-blown Aids.

Without realising, Attwood himself illustrates how normalised inmates become to rape and sexual assault, to the extent they don't even recognise it. In Prison Time, he describes walking in on a young man being forced to fellate another prisoner, an act considered rape in several states and many countries. But when I ask if Attwood ever witnessed a rape, he says no. And when I ask if he felt he had been assaulted when another lag grabbed him, French-kissed him and groped him with hands moist with lubricant Attwood replies: "No, not at all. If I did that to a woman in a bar, that's sexual assault, but in prison the limits are completely different from society."

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Shaun Attwood, photographed by a fellow inmate at Buckeye Prison, Arizona, 2004

The man who grabbed him he had nicknamed Jeeves. This is because Jeeves was his "butler". Jeeves was sexually obsessed with Attwood and so offered to work for him cleaning his cell and looking after all domestic concerns – a dynamic from which he derived sexual kicks. There was no payment, just the thrill of it. He would make advances to Attwood fairly regularly, but was always rebutted. To the English inmate, Jeeves was comparatively harmless – before being moved to this cell, Attwood would have to walk past another every day in which resided a prisoner called Booga. He documents their first meeting:

"I'm pulled into a cell reeking of backside sweat and masturbation, a cheese-tinted funk. 'I'm Booga. Let's fuck,' says a squat man in urine-stained boxers, with WHITE TRASH tattooed on his torso...I can't believe my eyes when he drops his boxers and waggles his penis... He grabs me. We scuffle... When I feel his penis rub against my leg, my adrenalin kicks in so forcefully I experience a burst of strength and wriggle free."

For Attwood, escaping rape, as well as "murder, or even having bones broken or teeth knocked out", for nearly six years was "freakishly" lucky, and thanks in part to his "English wit" and "people skills" as well his friendships with some of the gang leaders. Other prisoners avoid rape – or at least consider themselves to be avoiding it – by becoming a "punk".

This relates to the word's original meaning – the receptive male partner in anal sex – but in prison becomes a job, an identity. You are a receptacle, owned by another. "They tend to be the younger, prettier inmates – or the transsexual ones," explains Attwood. "If you're a big, bad gang member, which gives you the right to have a punk to use for sex, as long as you're the 'giver', it's not considered remotely gay."

The particulars of this relationship can vary. The higher up the prison strata (which generally means the more violent) the gangster, the better looking his punk. "But he's got to fight to maintain that punk. It's a warrior society." The punk becomes their property. And as such, can either be kept for their sole use or pimped. "People use them like a commodity and rent them out," he explains. But it's only others with high status who hire them. "Some will allow their punks to be unfaithful with other punks only, which is called 'bumping pussies'. It's all tied up in notions of property ownership, with sexual jealousy a secondary factor."

The rules of ownership are also governed by race. With most prisoners grouping socially on racial lines, so, too, must their punks. "A punter – say a Mexican American – might rent a white punk from a white pimp, but a Mexican American wouldn't be running a white punk."

As Attwood utters these words in his rather resonant Cheshire tones – an excitable Gary Barlow if you will – he attracts several glances. We are in a vegetarian restaurant called The Beano, in Guildford, where he now lives. Tables of slate-haired women are seemingly unused to hearing about sexual slavery as they chow down on mushroom lasagne. They look round again when he describes a prisoner regularly selling his semen to another who used it in ways perhaps unsuitable to describe in a newspaper. And again when he enthuses about the aforementioned She-Ra melting down bits of plastic to make dildos. Needs must.

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An inmate taking exercise at Maricopa Jail (Getty Images)

Attwood is as out of place here as he was in Arizona's prisons. But the "shy" raver who went to America's Wild West aged 21 to become a stockbroker, before giving it up to supply the state's party scene with ecstasy, could scarcely care less. He is alive and five thousand miles from the world that stripped his identity like white spirit. Even his sexual identity, even after just a few years, started to wane, tracing a fairly typical trajectory for inmates. "Early on, the other prisoners told me, 'After so many years you'll start to turn', and I was like, 'No, no, no, I've got a girlfriend'. But, gradually, all my belief systems and conditioning started falling away. Being in prison made me question my own sexuality."

Three magnets started tugging at his old heterosexuality. First, prison mores.

"Any number of activities deemed 'gay' on the outside aren't inside," he says. "Being the 'top' in anal sex? Receiving oral sex from a [pre-operative] transsexual? Considered perfectly straight."

Then there were the transgender women themselves – found in male prisons because the American system doesn't recognise chosen gender. One in particular, called Gina, he describes lusting after, fantasising about, and coming "this close" to having sexual contact with, prevented only by her pimp.

And finally, there is the vast, gripping loneliness.

"The deprivation of physical contact in any form plays a huge role," he says, frowning and looking more forlorn than ever. "You miss the warmth, that bond, the intimacy, the touch." He enunciates the words as if salivating over an exquisite dessert. "Going without sex kills you – it's one of the hardest parts." At this he shrieks with laughter, a paroxysm of stress and relief. Now, he has a girlfriend.

But he wasn't just unusually lucky to avoid rape or extreme violence; he was almost anomalous in never engaging sexually with another prisoner. "The majority are at least receiving oral sex from a transsexual." One of whom, he says, cut her own testicles off in her cell, to quell testosterone.

But perhaps more striking and surprising than all of the above is the tender, loving relationships he documents. Mostly, couples keep their relationship private, as having anything valuable on display leaves one open to sabotage. But not all. "There was one couple – an older and younger guy – and the young guy had broken up with him, so he was crying his eyes out, running across the recreation field, shouting, 'You broke my heart!' in front of all the men. It was quite a sight."

And when forced apart, for example when one prisoner is moved to a lower security unit, they would then often deliberately get into trouble to be moved back with their partner. "Lots of these guys had wives or girlfriends on the outside who knew nothing about these relationships, and they'd return to them, on release."

Although unsure about the previous sexual identity of some of these men, Attwood is certain of one thing: the longer the sentence, the higher the chance of crossing the line. "Presently, I couldn't imagine ending up with a man, but I know you change over time – after a 10- or 15-year stretch I would in all likelihood be thinking differently. Your old life gets crushed out of you."

He also received some aching love letters from ostensibly straight prisoners. One of which was from a Mexican mafia hit man called Frankie who imagined being engaged to Attwood and explaining how he wants someone he can "make love to". "I spoke to Frankie on the phone last year, he's back with his wife. I asked him how he reconciled all this and he said, 'My mind works in all kinds of ways'." He shrieks with laughter again.

After everything the writer witnessed, it is perhaps no surprise that seven years on, Attwood remains psychologically scarred. "I still have nightmares," he says. "I used to get flashbacks." This might also explain the place where he chose to make a new life. "I don't want any more mad excitement. I've had enough of it, so Guildford's perfect for me. Just to be able to walk along the river, sit on a bench and stare at the water. It's the height of ecstasy".

'Prison Time' is available now (Mainstream Publishing, £12.99)

Additional research by Andrew Mackereth
Source: Independent UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:29 pm 
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Spain is a sex-pot hotspot
December 30, 2013

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Spain is a sex-pot hotspot

SPANISH men have been voted the world’s best lovers, according to an international poll.

And to rub salt into the wounds, England came second-last last – after German men – for being ‘too lazy’ in bed. Spanish men were considered ‘natural and self-confident’ between the sheets, while Germans came last for being ‘too smelly.’

The top five went – Spain, Brazil, Italy, France and Ireland. The other UK nations did marginally better than the English, though the Welsh (7th worst) were criticized for being ‘too selfish’, while Scots (8th worst) are ‘too loud.’

The Greeks (6th worst) are ‘too warm,’ Turkish men (9th worst) are ‘too sweaty,’ while Russian men were found to be the 10th worst, because they are ‘too hairy.’

Source: The Olive Press.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 6:36 pm 
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Has YOUR man ever faked his orgasm? Over 30% of males admit that blissful moment of climax is sometimes just a performance
By Annabel Fenwick Elliott
15 July 2014

Women have long been known to weave theatrics into their sex lives - 'headaches' when we aren't in the mood, faked orgasms for a whole range of reasons - but most of us presume men to be far more simple when it comes to sex.

Not according to a recent study conducted by Time Out, which found that over 30per cent of the New York men they polled admitted to faking orgasms.

A separate recent survey by the University of Kansas - as well as several others over time - corroborated this 30per cent statistic exactly. It reported that most men give the same reason for faking it: that a partner's orgasm was imminent so they felt under pressure to climax.

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Mission accomplished: A recent study found that over 30per cent of its male subjects questioned admitted to faking orgasms, backing up several other similar surveys which concluded the same

Logistically speaking, according to a quick browse through various men's health publications, faking an orgasm is pretty easy for a man when he's wearing a condom, and pretty difficult without - but either way, it is indeed more common than you might think.

Last year, Dr Abraham Morgentaler, a Harvard urology professor, even published a book about it, entitled Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men And Sex, drawing on his lengthy experience treating men's sexual problems. Dr Morgentaler claims some men can feel compelled to perform sexually even when they aren't in the mood, in order to match up to the status quo.

'While it's OK for a woman to say she's too tired to make love, or has a headache - in fact it's so common there are jokes about it - it's not acceptable for men,' he said. 'The image is that men are always up for sex, which makes you feel under pressure to perform even when you don't want to.'

According to Dr Morgentaler, other men are simply more concerned with being kind. ‘The big surprise to me when I started doing this work 25 years ago is that once a man is in a relationship, he seems to care more about his partner than himself,' he says. 'In their minds, faking an orgasm is actually a form of kindness. In a way, they're letting the other person know that they've done a good job'

The question of why both men and women fake orgasms has long been a topic of discussion among scientists, but it seems our primary motives could be the same.

A study which was published in Archives of Sexual Behavior this March found that of the 481 sexually active U.S. college-age women questioned, the number one motive for faking orgasms given was - just like men - so as not to hurt their partner's feelings.

So is it healthy to deceive the opposite sex when it comes to the Big O? Most sex therapists seem to agree that once in a while, there's nothing wrong with a 'white lie' performance, but fake it too often, and you may have a bigger problem on your hands.

Source: Daily Mail UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 5:11 am 
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Sex with more than 20 women 'reduces risk of prostate cancer'
by Antonia Molloy
Tuesday, 28 October 2014

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Rex

There’s good news for the Casanovas of the world – sleeping with numerous women could help to protect men from prostate cancer, according to a new study.

Researchers at the University of Montreal and INRS-Institut Armand-Frappier found that men who had slept with more than 20 women during their lifetime were 28 per cent less likely to develop the disease. They were also 19 per cent less likely to develop an aggressive type of cancer, compared to those who had had only one female sexual partner.

However, the same did not apply to gay men, according to the Canadian scientists. They found that having more than 20 male partners doubled the risk of prostate cancer and made an aggressive cancer five times more likely. Sleeping with one male partner did not affect the risk. Meanwhile, men who were virgins were almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer as those who were sexually experienced.

The findings are from the Prostate Cancer & Environment Study in which 3,208 men answered questions about their lifestyle and sex lives. Of these men, 1,590 were diagnosed with prostate cancer between September 2005 and August 2009, while 1,618 men were part of the control group. Overall, men with prostate cancer were twice as likely as others to have a relative with cancer, but the study also found a possible link with their number of sexual partners.

Lead researcher Professor Marie-Elise Parent, from the University of Montreal, said: "It is possible that having many female sexual partners results in a higher frequency of ejaculations, whose protective effect against prostate cancer has been previously observed in cohort studies."

According to one theory, large numbers of ejaculations may reduce the concentration of cancer-causing substances in prostatic fluid, a constituent of semen. They may also lead to fewer crystal-like structures in the prostate that have been associated with prostate cancer. Suggesting why the same did not apply to male partners Professor Parent admitted she could only provide "highly speculative" explanations. One explanation she said "could be that anal intercourse produces a physical trauma to the prostate".

The age at which men first had sexual intercourse, and the number of times they had been infected by a sexually transmitted disease, had no bearing on prostate cancer risk. A total of 12 per cent of the group reported having had at least one sexually transmitted infection (STI) in their lifetime.

Professor Parent added: "We were fortunate to have participants from Montreal who were comfortable talking about their sexuality, no matter what sexual experiences they have had, and this openness would probably not have been the same 20 or 30 years ago. Indeed, thanks to them, we now know that the number and type of partners must be taken into account to better understand the causes of prostate cancer." On the question of whether promiscuity might now be recommended in health advice to men, she said: "We're not there yet."

The research is published in the journal Cancer Epidemiology.

Source: Independent UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 6:04 pm 
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Cambodia's virgin prostitutes: Sex traffickers and pimps target untouched girls thanks to spike in wealthy men willing to pay up to $3,000 to sleep with them
By Lucy Waterlow
5 November 2014

In the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh, there exists a commodity that is worth more than gold - virginity.

Wealthy men will pay thousands to have sex with an innocent girl and, as a result, 'virgin trafficking' has become big business. But not every girl is trafficked. Many others sell their virginity because they are desperate for money - and then often fall into a life of prostitution.

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Victim: Sukhon, 23, was forced to sell her virginity in order to pay for an operation that saved her father's life

Even though many of them do it to financially support their families, many are ostracised by their relatives and by the local community. Now the shocking story of Cambodia's virgin prostitutes is to feature in a new Jodie Marsh documentary which meets some of the victims.

Although her own career was built on selling sex as a glamour model, the 35-year-old says she is grateful she never had to do more than sell pictures of her body. 'Girls like Sukhon are forced to sell themselves for money time and time again,' she said. 'I have the choice to abstain from sex and I have realised what a huge privilege that is.'

23-year-old Sukhon lives in Cambodian capital Phnom Penh and now works as a prostitute after being forced to sell her virginity to pay for an operation that saved her ailing father's life.

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Shocking statistics: Jodie travelled to Camodia where she learnt there are 50-70,000 sex workers 40 percent of them are under age

'I received the news that my father was ill back home,' she reveals. 'I had nowhere to go so I decided to sell my virginity. It was three years ago when I was 20 and I was paid $3,000 (£1,877) by a Chinese man. I was taken to a restaurant first and then a hotel. I was told to undress and take a shower. Afterwards I was told to keep my clothes off so I was covered only by a towel. 'I was shivering and didn't know what to do because I had already agreed to have sex.'

Tragically, as a result of what happened, Sukhon says she is no longer close to her family - even though she did it for them. 'I'm in pain because my family keeps their distance. It hurts me but I understand because they didn't ask me to sell my virginity, they didn't want me to do that.'

While Sukhon's father, who also appears in the documentary, says he is grateful that his daughter's sacrifice saved his life, he wishes there had been another way. He said after learning his daughter had sold her virginity, he felt 'anger, sadness and sorry as a parent but there was nothing I could do because it had already happened'. 'I love my daughter just like when she was born,' he added. 'I blame the mamasan [female pimp] and the situation that we are in.'

Mamasans, or female pimps, are a common sight in Cambodia and care little about the women they exploit. One, who appeared on camera but asked not to be named, revealed that there is nothing that cannot be arranged for paying clients. 'If a client wants to have sex, we'll arrange the girl for them,' she said. 'Also if the client has a special request and they want to sleep with a virgin I will find the girl for them. 'I get a commission from client and girl. Sometimes the girl is very grateful for my hard work so gives me extra money.'

She admits that her career does make her feel 'bad' but she does it for the money. 'Sometimes I don't feel good about selling a virgin but I just think about the money,' she explained. 'Sometimes as a mamasan I am hit or tortured by the client if I don't find them a girl. I do have morals and sometimes I feel bad for the girl. When I see the client walk away with the girl I think that I have become a very bad person.'

Sadly, sex trafficking and prostitution is booming in Cambodia, where an estimated 50,000 to 70,000 sex workers - 40 per cent of whom are under age - ply their trade.

One charity which is trying to do something to help the underage victims of sex trafficking is Childsafe, which operates safe houses in Phnom Penh. 'Lots of young girls gather here from Kampot Province and they don't know what the city is like,' explains Sunni, an aid worker at the charity. 'They are an easy target for criminals. You can spot vulnerable people simply by their facial expressions. They might look naive or sad with problems.'

But Sunni said working for the charity can be fraught with danger. 'I had a situation with a pimp when I tried to stop him taking a girl,' he recalled. 'The pimp was very angry and he threatened to shoot me. 'I was very fortunate as there was a lot of people from the charity here.'

But while Sunni is safe, for Cambodia's thousands of virgin prostitutes, their ordeal goes on.

Source: Daily Mail UK.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 3:44 pm 
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Men Try Sex Toys For The First Time, Hilarity Ensues
By Alanna Vagianos
26 November 2014



Who knew fleshlights came in so many different colors?

In a Buzzfeed video published on Nov. 21, six men discussed their initial reactions to a range of sex toys and, well, reported back after using them. The reviews were hilarious as all the men were equally horrified and curious. The sex toys ranged from the "Cobra Libre II" male vibrator to an array of different fleshlights.

A few of our favorite reactions include:

"This feels like my fantasy of being with Mystique from X-Men, except she’s not there and I’m putting my penis in a cup."

"I don’t feel like I would use it again, but I’m certainly not throwing it out."

"I don’t know if I’m a feminist anymore."

"It looks like it’s kind of turning my penis into Bane."

"I haven’t gone to church in probably 20 years and I feel the need to go to church."

Some of the men were pleasantly surprised at how good the sex toy felt, while others were simply frightened. "Now I’ve had sex with a machine and I can’t go back," one guy said.

Welcome, friend.

Source: Huffington Post.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:35 am 
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London mayor: Jihadists are sexually frustrated losers
By Justin Jalil
January 31, 2015

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Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, reacts during a press conference about the future of Britain's aviation, in London on Thursday, Oct. 4, 2012.
(AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth)

London’s mayor had some choice words Friday for Muslims who turn to radicalism, calling them sexually frustrated losers who turn to terrorism out of a deep-seated lack of self-confidence.

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally wankers (masturbators). Severe onanists,” Boris Johnson told UK tabloid The Sun, citing an MI5 report. “They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them,” said the Conservative Party member, adding that they sought others forms of spiritual comfort because they were not “making it with girls.”

Johnson further contended that turning to radical Islam was a form of compensation for men with deflated egos and a lack of purpose: “They are just young men in desperate need of self-esteem who do not have a particular mission in life, who feel that they are losers and this thing makes them feel strong — like winners.”

The Sun conducted the interview with Johnson a week after his trip to Irbil, the capital of Iraqi Kurdistan. While there Johnson met with members of the Kurdish peshmerga currently at war with the Islamic State.

The 50-year-old politician, who reportedly has his eyes on the premiership, went on to criticize elements of the Islamic community for not doing enough to convince young men to turn away from extremism: “I often hear voices from the Muslim intelligentsia who are very quick to accuse people of Islamophobia… But they are not explaining how it can be that this one religion seems to be leading people astray in so many cases. They are not being persuasive in the right way with these people,” Johnson added.

According to Labour MP Khalid Mahmood, there are an estimated 2,000 Britons currently fighting with jihadist groups in Syria and Iraq — the majority of which are associated with the Islamic State.

Johnson, who later insisted that his comments were not “remotely controversial” while speaking with the UK’s Sky News channel, came under fire for his blunt statements.

“Somebody in a position of responsibility should be making responsible comments,” Mohammed Khaliel, director of the community cohesion organisation Islamix, told the Guardian on Friday. “For somebody allegedly aspiring to be prime minister of the country, is this really the style and level of comments that he should be making? He thinks any publicity is good publicity, but he doesn’t care about the discord that it causes in the community,” Khaliel charged.

Charlie Winter from the Quilliam Foundation, an organization set up by ex-Islamists to challenge and counter extremism, called the mayor’s analysis “ludicrous,” stating that many defy the caricature painted by Johnson. “To imply that they don’t have social skills is again a generalization… that has no evidence behind it. They are integrated, many of them are very well educated,” Winter said.

In August 2014 Johnson wrote in his column in the Daily Telegraph about “Jihadi John” — the Islamic State spokesman believed to be from east London who has featured in several of the group’s execution videos.

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Steven Sotloff next to his Islamic State captor, “Jihadi John,” in a video released Tuesday, September 2, 2014. (Screen capture: SITE/Twitter)

“I suspect most of us don’t give a monkey’s what happens to this prat in heaven, whether he meets virgins or raisins — we just want someone to come along with a bunker buster and effect an introduction as fast as possible,” the mayor wrote. We are going to have to make up our minds very quickly about this ‘caliphate': how we will respond to the irruption of a new and hellish country on the map, and how we deal with these Brits who go off and fight in its name. Do nothing now, and the tide of terror will eventually lap at our own front door,” warned Johnson.

Source: Times of Israel.

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 Post subject: Re: Men and Sex
PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 4:26 am 
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5 things men won't tell you about sex (but you need to know)
By EJ Dickson and Nico Lang
January 28, 2015

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The penis is finally having a moment in pop culture.

After Ben Affleck’s headline-grabbing side penis in Gone Girl sent the Internet into a tizzy, designer Tom Ford debuted a phallus necklace just in time for Christmas — the perfect stocking stuffer for grandma, if your grandma is Blanche Deveraux. And just last week, penis cutouts debuted at Paris fashion week, with heart-shaped peepholes in Rick Owens’ collection that exposed his models’ private parts. While topless female models have long been a staple on the runway, male nudity has a lot of boundaries to break.

This speaks to the larger discussion around male sexuality, where the realities of men’s bodies and sex lives remain obscured. Whereas the Internet has made female sexuality a topic of discussion and debate (the G-spot, anyone?), we’re reluctant to address men outside of stereotypes and misconceptions. That not only does a disservice to men; it hurts women who grow up internalizing these myths, and all of us who have to date them.

Here are just five of the most common truths about male sexuality that often go unaddressed, but trust us—it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

1) Men feel insecure about their bodies, too

Nico: And according to poll data, men are nearly as insecure as women are. A survey published by New Look in 2014 found that 30 percent of British men reported feeling unhappy with their bodies, almost the exact same percentage as the 35 percent of women who feel the same way. Interestingly, researchers found that more women reported confidence in their appearance than men, at respective figures of 37 and 35 percent. The most common reasons men felt they didn’t measure up were their body fat, height, waist size, and lack of musculature. No matter your gender, everybody feels the pressure to have nice, six-pack abs.

According to RoleReboot’s Sydne Didier, she found the same thing from teaching private swimming classes — the men she worked with “needed the same kind of reassurance” that women do. Didier wrote, “[Men] fear man boobs and cankles just like women fear cellulite and back fat, and teaching men has reminded me that we are all filled with uncertainties about our bodies.”

The Telegraph’s Rupert Hawkley reports that around a quarter of men in their 20s are “so self-conscious about their bodies that they prefer to have sex with the lights turned off,” which likely speaks to another sensitive area of male body discomfort: penis size. Data shows that 23 percent of men are unsatisfied with the size of their penis, while a whopping 62 percent want to trade in for a bigger model. (Who wouldn’t? Unless you’re one of those tiny baby arm guys, of course.)

This is a huge problem not only for men but their partners, as men who feel size anxiety are less likely to wear condoms, primarily because they refuse to buy a rubber that will actually fit; according to former Jezebel editor Anna North, 45 percent of men reported “[using] an ill-fitting condom in the past six months.” North wrote back in 2010, “These men were more likely to report that the condom was uncomfortable, or that it slipped or broke.” These men are not only more likely to impregnate their female partners but to spread STIs to partners of all genders. Condoms are only 98 percent effective as contraceptives, and that percentage is even less when you’re doing it wrong.

Harris O’Malley of the Dr. Nerdlove blog (also a Daily Dot contributor) writes that large penis size has little to do with manliness or one’s ability to pleasure their partner. “Just as there was a period where plump women were the height of beauty, there have been long periods in Western culture where a smaller, uncircumcised penis was the ideal,” O’Malley writes. If men want to feel secure in their bodies and themselves, simply remember that the ideal isn’t just a fad — it’s also hardly ideal. After all, Willem Dafoe allegedly has an oil tanker in his pants, and he’s hardly the guy you’d want to take home to Mom and Dad.

2) Ask before you play with a dude’s nipples

EJ: Nipple play is like canned tuna fish: Some people can’t get enough of it, while others recoil in horror when they see someone open a Starkist can. My partner falls on the latter side of the spectrum. When we first started dating, and I started absentmindedly tweaking his nipples while fooling around, he looked at me stone-faced and said, “Elisabeth, that does absolutely nothing for me at all.”

I was aghast. My previous sexual experiences had taught me that nipple play was an essential cornerstone of foreplay. Yet here my current partner was, telling me it did nothing for him, in the same tone of voice as if he was telling me my grandmother died.

Like most other sexual acts, nipple play is highly variant: Some men love it, and some men hate it. That said, there’s a body of research suggesting that there’s something of a nipple gender gap. A 2006 survey by Drs. Roy Levin and Cindy Meston determined that only 52 percent of men reported nipple stimulation increasing their sexual arousal, as opposed to 82 percent of women. Bottom line: #Notallmen love nip play. But #notallmen loathe it either.

3) Men like to cuddle

Nico: In 2007, there was a bit of a spat during a segment on the Today show when it came to the subject of cuddling. When author Ian Kerner asserted the old cliché that men don’t like a good post-coitus snuggle (they just want to sleep, bro), sexpert Tracey Cox immediately shot him down: “I disagree with this. I think men do like to cuddle! They’re just worried their partner might see it as weak and them as vulnerable. I think a lot of the time a man suggests sex, what they’re really after is the physical closeness a cuddle would provide.”

If you want the truth about cuddling, Reddit is ready to help. A 2013 thread in the AskMen forum inquired about men’s cuddling practices. Like a therapist asking about your childhood, the poster wanted to know: How does cuddling make you feel? Pretty good, according to users. The most popular comment, from Gingor, read, “You know that feeling when you cuddle a kitten? Like that, except I get a boner.” Other men replied that cuddling made them feel “wanted and appreciated,” while others argued it was even better than sex.

Sex and intimacy fulfill a variety of purposes for both genders, and as a Kinsey Institute survey suggests, non-coital interaction like kissing and cuddling is “more important to men than women.” While getting that intimacy is important, too many men are either unwilling to ask for it in fear their behavior will be perceived as less than masculine. According to Salon’s Lisa Wade, this also goes for their relationships outside of the bedroom. Wade writes, “Men desire the same level and type of intimacy in their friendships as women, but they aren’t getting it.”

While this is largely a product of homophobia — as male-male intimacy is stereotyped as exclusive to gay men—our own Samantha Allen argued it’s a stigma that needs to go, in order to prevent the negative consequences of male loneliness. The difference might save lives.

4) They’re not all interested in anal

EJ: The stereotype of heterosexual men is that once they’ve had a few rounds of standard P-in-V sex, they’re constantly on the lookout for the new Holy Grail of sexual experiences in the form of another orifice, be it a mouth, butt, or even an armpit. If they don’t gain immediate access to this orifice, they’ll stoop to extreme and occasionally mind-numbingly stupid acts of subterfuge to get it (hence, the “but it just slipped in there for a second by accident” trick).

If you’re one of those gentlemen that fall into this category, I’d like to take the opportunity to inform you that we ladies know exactly what you’re doing, and the next time you try it we’re going to return the favor. But more likely, you’re one of the not-insignificant number of men like my boyfriend, who actually aren’t all that interested in having anal sex.

“I just don’t care about it that much,” he told me. “For one thing, doody comes out of there. For another, doody comes out of there.”

Granted, that’s not an incredibly sophisticated argument, and given the extremely high representation of anal sex in hetero porn, you’d probably assume that it’d be just as popular among the hetero male set. But in all my years of having sex, what I’ve learned is that straight dudes aren’t nearly as interested in experimenting with anal sex as one would assume.

While anal sex is on the rise among young men, with 19 percent of men aged 18 to 24 reporting having tried it, in my experience most dudes simply aren’t that interested in an alternative to vaginal sex, when vaginal sex is already an option. The reasoning seems to be: Why have lobster when steak is already on the menu?

“I really like vaginas. They are just fantastic. I’m not really looking for an alternative,” my friend Scott told me when I talked to him about his lack of interest in anal sex a few months ago. “When something else comes up [in porn], it’s like, what is this shit? That’s not what I came here for.”

Of course, there are certainly dudes who have an insatiable appetite not only for steak and lobster, but chicken and fish and cheesecake as well, and God bless them. But for most men attending the high-end steakhouse that is the range of sexual activity and experience, one entree will do just fine.

5) Men and women are both on the same planet when it comes to sex

Nico: You’ve heard it all before: Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Thus, the twain shall never meet, especially in the bedroom, where the two have completely different expectations. Men just want to get it on, whereas women want puppies, rainbows, and a Pinterest fantasy. I believe it goes something like this: “Darling, what a passionate yet tender act of lovemaking we’re about to embark upon. Please caress me gently while we discuss my Beyoncé mug.” “Yeah, Beyoncé is hot. Now take your top off and wiggle.”

There is some biological evidence to support the fact that men and women view sex differently. According to CNN’s Louanne Brezendine, “men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain.” Brezendine writes, “All that testosterone drives the ‘Man Trance’ — that glazed-eye look a man gets when he sees breasts... Their visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates. Whether or not they intend to pursue a visual enticement, they have to check out the goods.”

But part of the way men deal with sexuality and emotions has less to do with biology and more about social conditioning. A prescient comic from Mike Rosedale depicts a man on a therapist's couch confessing, “I’m too afraid to admit how I really feel.” The female counselor listening to him thinks, “And I just thought he was the strong, silent type.” The problem here isn’t that men are unemotional but simply that they process their emotions differently, especially in a society that often tells men they aren’t allowed to have feelings at all.

If women are just as sexual as men are (arguably even more so), men aren’t robots. Sex is a complicated act, and the people involved in it are just as unpredictable and complex. Want to know what men think about love, sex, and their emotions? Follow the first rule of affirmative consent: Ask. The answer might surprise you.

Photo by hoshi7/Flickr (CC BY-ND 2.0)
Source: DailyDot.

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